Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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