Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize