Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
