I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
