remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
