What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
