Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize