that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
