She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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