Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
