My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
