YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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