what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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