I think I died a long time ago.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's paper in my vomit.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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