the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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