His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
