My hand turned me down
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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