Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
