I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
