It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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