why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
