Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
