Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
