All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
