he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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