I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
