Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
