My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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