Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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