allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I want is dick and wine.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
