I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
