i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
