To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
