Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
