So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
