I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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