we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
