Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize