we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
