I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
