We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh god it's open bar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
