I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
