i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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