Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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