How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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