I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
