She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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