i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
