Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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