I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
