someone get that fucking seahorse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sext me about skeletons
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
