Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
