I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize