two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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