If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
