You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
