at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
