my mouth tastes like poor choices
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
