i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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