i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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