Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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