My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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