i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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