and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
