dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
