so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
