i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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