i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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