wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize