i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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