my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
