Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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