There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
