There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
