Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
