I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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