I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
