So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
