This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
