so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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