theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize