I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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