Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
