smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
