I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
