Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
