My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize