We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
