Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize