I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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