remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
