just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize