I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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