omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
