Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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