I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
