New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
