You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
