He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
