Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize