he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
