She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
