Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
