when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
