I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
