Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
