I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
