Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so let's talk penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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