im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
