im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
