Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
