# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
