I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize