His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
