oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize