He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
