when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
