have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
