quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize